Jokes Haha

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Q:why did the chicken cross the road?

stumped? ill post the answer soon. Thx 4 taking another 1 of my sugestions casey

my avatars a good one

wanna hear a joke?

too bad.

A: to get to the other side.
Lol keegan

A hunter dials 911 and says, “I just shot at something that I thought was a deer but it was another hunter. I’m afraid I just killed him.”

The operator says, “It’s OK sir, it may not be as bad as you think. First, make sure he’s really dead.”

The guy says OK and sets down the phone. Then the operator hears a gunshot. He picks up the phone and says, “OK, now what?”

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are out on a camping trip. They trudge all day, covering lots of miles, and finally decide, just as dusk is falling, that it’s time to set up camp for a night.

They put up their tent, start a fire, cook a simple meal, eat, and both being exhausted from the day’s exertions, decide to go to sleep.

At about three in the morning Holmes shakes Watson awake and says, “Watson, look up at the stars in the sky and tell me what you deduce from them.”

Watson is sleepy, but he has learned that there is always a point to even the most random of Holmes’s questions, so he does as he’s told, and gazes up at the stars.

“Well, Holmes,” he says after a moment, “I can see millions of stars. Millions of them. And I guess if there are millions of stars, then around many of those stars there must be planets. And if there are planets around those stars, then some of those planets must be like our planet. And if planets like ours exist around some of those stars, then on some of those planets there may well be people, looking up at the stars and imagining that we exist as well. That’s what I deduce from looking up at the stars, Holmes.”

And Holmes says, “No, Watson, you fool—someone has stolen the tent.”

There were three women on deth row. One was a redhead. One was a brunet. One was a blond.

The officers came and got the redhead. They asked her did she have any last words. She siad “No.” So he got his gun, cocked it, and said,”Ready, Aim,” The girl yelled out,”TORNADO” every one turned around and she ran away.

The officers went and got the Brunet. They asked her did she have any last words. She said “No.” So he got his gun, cocked it, and said, “Ready, Aim,” The brunet yelled out, “HURICANE!” Every one turned around and she ran away.

The officers went and got the blond. At this point, the blond thought she had it all figured out. They asked her did she have any last words. She said cheerfully “No.” So he got his gun, cocked it, and said,”Ready, Aim,” and the Blond yelled out, “FIRE!”

haha very nice yuey

heres another

Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small Brown Bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a big Black Bear. The Black Bear said, ‘Don, you’ve got two choices, either I maul you to death or we have sex.’ Don decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks Don soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the Black Bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge Grizzly Bear was standing right next to him. The Grizzly said, ‘That was a huge mistake Don. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex.’ Again, Don thought it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the Grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge. But then there was a tap on his shoulder. Don turned round to find a giant Polar Bear standing there.

The Polar Bear said, ‘Admit it Don, you don’t really come here for the hunting, do you?’

and another

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

“No problem, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”

Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.

“President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts. “Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope,” his boss replies.

“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw … you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?”

hahha good one

LOL

whered u get those?

probably just type in jokes on google

ACTUALLY type in lol on google. jesus. get it right

that actually worked?

haha i might have to try that

yes its called lol.com

haha they got some good ones on there

my cuz emailed me this

A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have.
He says, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse."
One student stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."

haha, that one gave me a chuckle.

thats a keeper

haha, i agree.

haha very nice ben